I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
