You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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