I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize