Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
