In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
