This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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