I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize