Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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