Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Congratulations! We have a period
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
