Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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