my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
