She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
