After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
