we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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