forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
