I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
