There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring money and cleavage
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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