With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
