Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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