You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
