So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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