Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
