i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
