dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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