): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me