So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
