guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
