I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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