Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize