Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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