I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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