i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
