Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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