I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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