ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
