i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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