making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
