There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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