I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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