If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sex in a hospital.. check
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
