I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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