If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
