The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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