so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
