Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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