I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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