I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
