I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Randomize
