Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the day after is always just damage control
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
