bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
