if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
