whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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