hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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