Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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