Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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