Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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