are you still at the devil's house?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
