We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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