I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
