Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
