All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
