we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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