so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
