there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
