Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
