Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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