just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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