Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
