If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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