whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
