went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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