I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
