And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
